What About Being a Right On Timer?

Enough with Late Blooming. *Chapter 94*

Let me tell you something. I have had a time getting this one out today. The draft I started last Wednesday had me comparing my toothache to heartache. Something about exposed enamel being tender and soft and sensitive like my soul, you get it. Reflective, tear-jerking metaphors feel like a wool sweater on bare skin¹ this week…yuck, get it off.

Maybe it’s the summer sun or lack of sleep from being just a biiiiiit too close to the edge of overworking, I just don’t FEEL like getting all deep and emotional.

Anyway.

Well, Actually…, by Bonnie Lynn Felton, lynnfelton.com

I’ve been thinking a lot about life’s chapters, page after page, era after era, I’ve come to a conclusion that there is no such thing as bad timing. There’s timing that feels really bad and seems really wrong but things unfold how they’re going to and we still have to keep it movin’. Life is a series of experiences, one leading into the next. Knowledge gained and hopefully applied, we learn and we grow and we do it again.

Why then, do we so love the idea of a Late Bloomer? What about finding love at 40 or “success” at 67 would imply that one is behind? How could you be anywhere other than where you are and why would we assume that place is wrong?

I’m not whimsical enough to deny the limitations that can come with age. At 41 I have shin splints from standing still. We get older, some things get harder BUT we’re wiser and probably better decision makers.

If I’d met Alan five years earlier than I did, I wouldn’t have had the confidence and boundaries to keep myself afloat. I’d have drowned taking care of his needs over mine. Now, I understand myself well enough to say, get away from me, I need to be by myself. I respect my priorities and employ compromise that doesn’t abandon them.

Making a career shift in my 40s has meant I’m able to clearly tell potential clients and employers what I have to offer. I value my time and say no to things I don’t want to do. Molding a career full of jobs that bring me satisfaction, utilizing the skills I’ve been unknowingly gathering for decades, it’s very full circle shit.

I’ve always identified as a Late Bloomer until this irritation with the term dawned on me while I sat in my car at a red light, mouth agape, staring out the window. I could never be anywhere other than where I am and that’s because everything that came before this lead me exactly here. So…late to what? The light turned green and I started writing this essay in my head.

Early yesterday morning, in the twilight dreaminess between awake and asleep it occurred me the simplicity of life. We want and we work and we desire and if we’d stop for a second to calm down, we’d probably realize we have everything we need already. The biggest joke of all. Spend your life looking for the pieces to fill what’s been whole the whole time.

As I’ve learned more about Human Design and started doing readings for folks, I’ve realized how deeply important it is to live authentically, exactly as you are. That attempting to pour ourselves into a mold sold to us as perfect is tired and ill-fitting, causes pain and a lifelong subscription to the idea of better or worse. Concepts that mean nothing more than the value you yourself give to them. How could you be better or worse than anyone when you will never know what it’s like to live in their body or think with their mind?

I used to love the idea of telling people what works. This diet is THE WAY, this exercise program WILL be the one, wake up at 5, go to bed at 9, la la la la la la. The more I see people’s differences, the more I want to say, “do it your way, who gives a shit what glass cleaner that girl uses?!” Everyone’s timeline is unique and equally important. There’s no such thing as late blooming only right on time growth.

It’s a crazy time to be alive. A computer attached to our fingertips offering us the opportunity at any time of day to find out how behind we are or what to be afraid of. There’s plenty. It’s not lost on me how lucky I am to sit here typing my thoughts to you. To have the time and space to contemplate things outside of if I’ll have water to drink or safety to leave (or even be in) my home. I am incredibly fortunate.

It’s also a time where trusting your own self, your own timing and your own body is complicated. What should be inherent understanding is clouded by an insatiable appetite for information. We will never be able to know it all and the funniest part is, we already do, alive in a body that keeps its heart beating and lungs filling without having to google how or why.

In the quiet is where the wisdom waits with perfect timing. No such thing as late only blooming.

Anyway.

I said I didn’t want to go reflective and here we are. Exactly where we were always gonna be.

READING

Okay listen, I finished ACOTAR and I gotta say, I was expecting a lot more sexy throw downs? And like, it’s fine…? I’ll start the second book and report back but so far I’m feeling very mid about it. My expectations were set both too high and too low.

WATCHING

What should we watch? We started Mickey 17 last night, Alan fell asleep and I forgot I was watching it and started doing dishes. So yeah. I don’t know. I want a really good show!

DOING

Have I mentioned taking a walk first thing in the morning? Wow. What a difference it makes to the day.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, starting my posts too early is a recipe for editing disaster. My first draft ended in tears, a winding reflection on home and missing my cozy life that once was. Honestly, the writing was pretty good but it was so heavy I could barely lift it. We’ll leave it in a folder to marinate and calm down a bit.

It’s finally stopped raining after a weeklong downpour in Georgia. I’m in the middle of a two week stretch of back to back event work, my feet are killing me and I am loving it. A real, “you’re doing it Peter,” few days.

As I mentioned, I started writing this essay last Wednesday in an attempt to have this ready for you at a reasonable hour on Monday. Very professional and grown up of me but here we are on Saturday now Monday and I’m about to hit publish hours later than I’d intended…OH WELL.

Thank you so much for being here and for reading. Lots of content coming your way with a new installment of My Favorite Jeans AND a post from my second Substack, How to Act in a Restaurant, this Thursday.

Have a wonderful week. I’ll talk to you soon!

1. similes are fine I guess.