The Yearly Clearing

Spent the week organizing, feels like 10 pounds lost. *Chapter 54*

Two hefty essays have been swirling around in my brain for awhile now and I was sure this would be the week at least one would emerge. Then, out of nowhere, a wave of desire to touch every single thing I own swept over me. Maybe it’s the change of seasons. Winds have picked up and mornings have cooled down, summer’s being cleansed away. With it, my tolerance for shoving things in corners and stacking pots on top of pans. I’ve spent the past four days clearing closets, drawers and our ridiculous commercial kitchen style metro rack. Can I get a Yes, Chef?

As this is the last week of August, I am taking full advantage of my Summer Hours rule and bringing you a relaxed little post a bit later than planned. Alan and I moved in together over a year ago, pretty seamlessly combining two apartments worth of stuff into one. Honestly, the man came with a bookshelf, a golf bag, three bicycles and blue neon clock that reads Tee Time, it wasn’t that much but after a year of bonking my head on the handlebars of a behind-the-couch bike, tee time has arrived.

The Red Char, by Bonnie Lynn Felton, lynnfelton.com

The closets came first, four bags of clothing cleared. I’m proud to claim I know every single shirt, dress and pant I own and even more proud to tell you how ready I was to part with so many. Dragging two giant loads into work, I left with only a quarter of what I brought in, excited to see my friends excited to take my old clothes. In a podcast I listened to a few weeks ago, a Kabbalah teacher explained that when you hold onto things you no longer use, or in this case wear, it’s like you’re stealing them from the person they’re meant for. They’re no longer yours. This is wildly paraphrased, I don’t follow or study Kabbalah, but the sentiment rang so true this week. Seeing my friends light up over dresses and sweaters I loved but would never wear again was soul-filling. Like putting my children on the school bus, watching them go off to live their lives, be special for someone else. Good feeling. Highly recommend.

Next came the kitchen. Tupperware…honestly…go to hell. Is there a world where it is always organized? Where a top exists for every container? Where you can reach in and easily grab something without 19 other things crashing down around it? No. There isn’t. I surrender. I did what I could. The aforementioned metro rack however, is looking fine. We’ve done our very best to make a dream out of kitchen nightmare. When I tell you it came with a counter big enough to hold a dish rack, I am not exaggerating. The kitchen cart I bought and installed should be a reimbursable expense. Anyway, she’s finally organized and functional. Alan rolled his eyes when I told him it literally sounds different in there with everything off the floor and streamlined but I swear, it echoes now. I made you this relatively satisfying before and after reel that I then screen recorded from IG so you could still hear the voice over and music. Lol.

Today I am onto the bathroom and then finally the head bonking handlebars that reside in the living room will move into Alan’s mother’s garage. It feels like I’ve lost 10 pounds in this process. I get a warm, fuzzy, heart rush of contentedness coming home to a clean, organized home, like I’ve taken on a new identity that feels more like me.

Yesterday, I read a post by

Haley Nahman

of Maybe, Baby, that blew my f’ing mind. One of those core-touchers that leaves you muttering, “yesss, oh my god,” and wondering, as a writer at least, how she so effortlessly puts ideas into words.

Feelings observed are distinct from feelings felt. When we watch two people snuggle into bed in an advertisement for sheets, it looks wonderful, but snuggling in bed ourselves feels wonderful in a completely different way. This gap between our observations and our experiences is unclosable. There is, on the one hand, our idea of things, and on the other, the reality of them.

Please read it in its glorious entirety. My affinity for touching all my things and making sure they have their own place, is my way of closing this gap between my idea of a perfect life and the reality of it. Alan and I are two large humans sharing one small apartment. Do I have a Pinterest board full of marble kitchen islands and rustic backyard dinner parties? Of course I do but for now, I have a porch that is shared with our 65 year old neighbors and a small bird feeder enjoyed mostly by Lisa the squirrel. This is where we sat on the floor before we had furniture and caught up on our days. It’s where we had our first Valentine’s Day dinner, at a tiny coffee table, sitting…on the floor. Having more space certainly does seem wonderful but feeling cozy here is pretty wonderful too.

I’d envisioned myself using all week to write. Getting closer to the finish line on a few projects and finally giving birth to some new ideas. My home had a different plan. She demanded my attention, ‘please get this shit out of here so I can breathe’. After shattering a measuring cup on the kitchen tile and bonking my head a final time, I conceded. Now that she’s free, so am I. We can spread out, shake off our wings and take flight, sigh deeply and relax. Having communed with all the things that live with me, I feel so peaceful. If you’ve been ignoring the call for a clear out of your own, I urge you to answer it. September is coming, make some space for Fall surprises!

READING

My dear friend,

Kerry Whigham

, has started a Substack! The Aspiring Flâneur premiered this weekend and promises to be full of the most delicious travel stories from a prolific adventurer who also happens to be a superb writer. Please subscribe and read his first post.

Also, this post from

Julianna

of Keepsake. What a gorgeous reflection on summer. I am deeply obsessed with her writing and collages, another absolutely delightful subscription.

SHOPPING

I haven’t committed but am deeply tempted to order a plastic wrap, parchment paper organizer. I’m also on the lookout for big flour and sugar jars.

LISTENING

Alicia Renee Beck

of Superbloom Healing is churning out the most insightful, moving podcasts. I cannot urge you enough to give her a listen.

How can August be over already??? Paid Subscribers, the second installment of Sweet Tea Talks will hit your inbox this Wednesday, I am so looking forward to continuing our conversation.

Expect a podcast with my mama coming end of September, a new cooking video (been wanting to learn pie crust??) AND a special hybrid podcast/cooking video with one of my best friends, Joe premiering…sometime…the editing process is gonna be somethin’.

In the meantime, enjoy the end of your summer. I am forever grateful for your company here. See you in September!