The Landscape of my Life

Always rolling hills. *Chapter 45*

I’ve become obsessed with block scheduling. It reminds me of middle and high school when I’d receive a print out at the beginning of each semester with a list of my classes, what time they started and how long I had to navigate the halls to get from one to the next. Even as a teenager, even though school was boring and full of idiots my own age, I found great comfort in knowing exactly where I was supposed to be at exactly what time.

I’m Alright, by Bonnie Lynn Felton, lynnfelton.com, follow on IG @bonzart

I’m also obsessed with a creator named Timm Chiusano. I think his largest audience is on TikTok but I follow him through Instagram. He posts stories about his day and reels from his POV. Everyday he gets up at the same time 4:02am, drinks his pre-workout mix, sits down to plan his day, goes on a run, takes a cold plunge and then goes into work. I bubble over with satisfaction watching him live out his routine life, pointing out the joys to appreciate in everyday. The extraordinary in the ordinary. He’s wonderful.

I used to identify as a planner person. A pen to paper, can’t function unless I actually write it down and have a book in front of me kind of gal. Letting go of that version of myself was challenging. It’s taken a solid 5 years to convert to digital planning but now, here I am, frothing with glee over a colorful blocked out Calendar App. Talk about romance, Alan and I had a coffee date at the end of last weekend to brain dump our ToDo lists and plan our weeks. Total swoon.

deeply obsessed with lookin at this

I find freedom in routine. Opening my calendar every few hours to see where I’m scheduled to be, I’ve gotten more accomplished and nearly conquered decision fatigue. Should I go for a walk? Do a workout? Write a post? Wash the dishes? Lemme just look at Instagram? My calendar has the answer. I’m scheduling in when to shower and chill which has made the hours I sit down to watch Bridgerton devoid of any time-wasted guilt. Having a map makes detours feel safer and intentional. When I move things around or take longer on the couch than I meant to, I can get myself back on track with ease. It’s created more space in my brain.

On the flip side of satisfaction, my deep itch for something new has returned with a vengeance. I’ve added more personal projects to my plate, writing a small cookbook for my paid subscribers, working on my guidebook How to Act in a Restaurant and scheduling my podcast guests and cooking videos months in advance. Also, our next DeeJay’s is one week from today. And still, the very minimal 20ish hours that I spend waiting tables nearly drives me mad. Maybe it’s walking in circles? Maybe it’s explaining the same menu over and over? Maybe I just want to go on vacation? I think I want challenge and responsibility, real ownership and recognition.

I can understand how good I have it and not actually feel it. What does it take to experience deep genuine gratitude? I go to work with, quite literally, my favorite people and still feel completely deflated after most shifts. I’m honestly exhausted with trying to figure out why. Maybe it’s okay to accept that it’s simply because I’ve been walking around in circles, explaining menus to people for fifteen years now and even though I do still garner deep satisfaction from showing people a good time, I’m bored.

It’s good to be bored, my mom would say, you have to find something to do. As annoying as I found school, I always found summer breaks tedious. After pitching a fit and attempting to watch more TV, we’d be sent outside, forced to figure something out. We always would. One of my most cherished memories is walking the creek with my brother and our neighbors. Sliding down slippery rocks and making pinch pots from Georgia red clay. We’d go to the ceramics store and pick out objects to paint, I’d usually choose something heart shaped and slather it in pink acrylic. By the end of the day, we’d be exhausted, boredom a distant memory.

The rolling hills of my life lately. Feeling soothed by colorful schedule blocks. Getting so much done in my time before work and then crashing the second I walk through the door of the restaurant. I’m annoyed with myself like I was with high school. But it’s the end of senior year and I’m ready to graduate. If you’re bored, find something to do. I have found so many things to do. Truly, I am content. Maybe it’s surrender that’s required to experience deep gratitude. Appreciating the little joys that come out of everyday, even mundane hours spent walking in circles, pushing boredom to the back of my mind. All of it makes up the landscape of my life and it’s pretty beautiful.

READING

I’ve started The Marriage Portrait and, to be fair, I am only 40 pages in but it’s not captivating like Great Circle was so I’m feeling bleh so far.

WATCHING

So I watched some really dumb shit this week, Bridgerton and the documentary about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders…like…ummmmm….blink blink….what was that? Then I got a weird nostalgia for being a human being and searched for a show about the history of mankind and found it in, Mankind: The Story of All of Us. A 12 part documentary from the History Channel archives… I cannot explain how I am consuming this like it’s water on a hot day. Wow. We have seen some shit, people.

LISTENING

I’ve been listening to the podcast I recorded yesterday with my best friend Evan. If you find joy in hearing besties cry laugh with each other, you’re gonna really like this episode. Coming Friday!

It is SO hot. Oven temps. Scary to open a door and go from AC to outside. Wowza. But, there’s romance in sweating. I’m usually constructing some nostalgic passage about lightning bugs and sticky humidity to make myself feel pleasant while melting.

We’re spending this week prepping for DeeJay’s. I have a punch and five peach upside down cakes to make. Cannot even wait to celebrate with everyone.

I hope you are staying cool and enjoying everyday as much as you can. I am sending you love and the cuteness of my praying mantis friend, the second to visit me this week!

xoxo.