Lightened Up!

...twitch...twitch... *Chapter 48*

The Savvy Traveler, by Bonnie Lynn Felton, lynnfelton.com

Standing in my kitchen last night, I couldn’t place the nagging in my brain that taunted me. I was worried about something, but what? Hand on my hip, I looked at the ceiling, mouth agape, searching my mind for the culprit. There is something I am supposed to be worrying about. Then my eye twitched and I remembered, OH YEAH MY EYE IS TWITCHING, am I dying?? I’ve googled ‘eye twitching’ several times this week. I’ve read the list of causes, “fatigue, stress, caffeine and excessive alcohol intake” over and over but my eye keeps twitching and I am left unsatisfied. Is this just the residue of the past few months? Rigor mortis of an old me?

Five weeks until I hit my goal of a year of consistent posting. My bleh-ness has waned and I am finally feeling pretty good again after running my body into the ground two weeks ago. The PTSD from feeling like crap has inspired me to continue eating lightly, drinking less caffeine and booze and I am devastated thrilled to report, it’s working…I feel better, more like myself, this new classier version of myself… eye twitch and all.

To mark a fresh start, this is gonna be a different kind of post. Inspired by Haley Nahman of Maybe, Baby, one of my favorite Substacks ever, who sends a weekly post called “15 Things I Consumed This Week,” here is bizarre list of a few things that have left me feeling happy, relieved, healed or just thinking.

1. The Taste of Things. It’s streaming on Amazon Prime. Oh…my…lord… I had quiet tears streaming down my face watching Juliette Binoche eat an oyster her 20 year lover and chef had prepared for her. With no score and very minimal dialogue (in French btw), you are treated to the sounds of cooking in a late 1800s French kitchen and the sounds of breeze, birds and nature. Lovely, touching, incredibly moving, sweet, sad, hopeful, by far my favorite movie in years.

2. This podcast episode from Mel Robbins and Dr. Mary Haver about perimenopause and menopause. At least ten ‘aha’ moments for me where I remarked “WHAT” aloud to myself. At 40, I’ve become increasingly suspicious of how my changing hormones are contributing to my on and off malaise, this was a very eye opening conversation.

3. A splash of tart cherry juice mixed with a little lime juice and topped with sparkling water…unbelievably refreshing treat.

4. P’tit Basque cheese. It’s not an Italian cheese and yet every bite I take of this creamy, salty delight, I’m transported to a hillside villa. I finally shared some with Alan and he said it was really good… obviously, he doesn’t get it…

5. Emma Gannon’s new podcast Creative Coffee. This specific episode with, aforementioned idol, Haley Nahman, I found very interesting. Especially for fellow Substack writers and solo creators.

6. Joe Dispenza meditations. I spent most of 2020-2021 reading his books and doing his meditations. If you’re not familiar but interested, I cannot recommend enough reading, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. This book changed my life. For the past 10 days, his Morning Meditation has been the start to my day and I give huge credit to this addition for feeling significantly better now.

7. Switching from my block scheduling to a task list while not feeling great. It was really wild to witness, but very truly when I looked at my block schedule two weeks ago, I felt like I was going to throw up. Instead, I made a list on my calendars app of tasks I needed to complete and did them when I felt like it, they still got done. Giving myself permission to stray from my routine was such a relief. Fluidity is key.

8. Summer produce. Tomatoes, cucumbers, watermelon, cherries, zucchini, squash, broccoli, so refreshing.

9. Keeping our apartment at 73°-74° instead of 68°… I cannot believe I am saying this because I was ready to die on a hill for a cold house, but I was wrong. I’ve slept better, woken up less stiff and generally felt more chilled out (pun intended) throughout the week…who knew, besides my parents, that keeping a reasonably temperate house could be so relaxing?

10. These Bridgerton instrumental covers of popular songs. I cannot decide if I should be ashamed of how much I love these or fully lean in. I’m opting for the latter.

Finally, the biggest revelation I’ve had this week is that it’s okay to acknowledge exhaustion. Instead of googling and spiraling about what could possibly be wrong with my body, it occurred to me… maybe I’m just tired. After working 4 nights on my feet, walking 12-20,000 steps, it makes sense. How bout some rest? Better yet, how bout some recovery?

My eye twitch is annoying but I’m pretty sure not life threatening. I’m using the next 5 weeks as a recovery period. To continue treating my body with gentle care. Dealing with my own neuroses with a light sense of humor. Reveling in the fact that my innate sense of excitement has returned. We’re almost at one year and I’m intent on many more to come!

Thank you for being here.

Talk to you next week with more regularly scheduled programming.

xoxo.