Let us be Amélie.

All these whimsical fantasies come to life. *Chapter 77*

Boy, have I read some great Substack entries this week. Most echoing reflections I’ve been looping in my own head, probably why they feel so resonate. It’s charming, really heartwarming actually, to share thoughts with a stranger. Writers I don’t know (past their weekly posts and comment sections), spilling MY thoughts onto THEIR screens. Real life magic.

Whenever I’ve felt lost in the corner of “what am I even going to say this week”, it’s because I’ve forgotten that all I need to do is turn around. Realize I’m standing in a great big room off a hallway in the grand mansion of my mind. It’s amazing how real the corners can feel though, truly like I’ll be staring at the wall forever. Gratefully, the start of this year (even amidst the backdrop of horrific world news) has found me on a giddy creative high, excited for new projects and invigorated to write and write and write.

Mind Elsewhere, by Bonnie Lynn Felton, lynnfelton.com

Amongst my many favorite Substacks is

keepsake

. Julianna writes beautifully and with a sense of nostalgia that always leaves me wondering how she reached directly into my head and pulled out my thoughts. And I could stare at her collages for ages.

Feeling that good things are coming can be even more exciting than when good things come.

-from this week’s “something good is coming”

I’ve spent the past few years very aware how many of my dreams have come true. That I am living a fantasy dreamt by my past self. What’s wrong with me that I’m not ecstatic at all times? This has bothered me so much. When will this awareness alchemize into feeling?

I cleaned out my closet. Again. I’ve decided clearing space doesn’t only have to move with the seasons. It’s become like my Zicam, taken at the first sign of an emotional dip, you can stave off the mean reds by shedding old clothes.

While my brain has been working to sort my old t-shirts, my dreams have been tidying my subconscious. Nights spent escaping floods, outrunning tsunamis, being clobbered by waves but able to swim. I told my friend Alicia of Superbloom Healing, it feels like my mind is packing up and moving to a bigger better office. I like to envision a Belle-worthy library as our new workspace.

I’ve made a very conscious decision this year to stay vibrating at a higher frequency. Put in less woo terms, I’m catching myself when I want to complain, noticing what I’m truthfully feeling and working through that before mindlessly spiraling.

This challenge shows up most often when I’m feeling rushed. A ripe opportunity for my lower vibe self to point out that:

1. We’re still working a job we don’t want to work for the rest of our lives.

2. We don’t get to do whatever we want all the time whenever we want to.

3. We are still not in a financially free situation.

4. We really want to be good at push ups and we’re, in fact, very bad at them.

Upon review, this is exactly what I sounded like when I was 13, emboldened by teenage ego and a self-righteous belief that the world revolved only around me and my suffering. Tack on thirty plus years of wisdom and I can compassionately tell myself to shut the hell up. There is no such thing as rushing when you can only be exactly where you are.

My friends, what a difference this practice has made. Structure set in stone through discipline. Don’t touch that stove because it’s hot. Don’t keep that shirt because you hate it. Don’t loop that thought because it’s a lie. Parenting of Self.

Easier said than done, I know, but isn’t everything?

This giddiness won’t necessarily last but meticulously monitoring when my tides begin to turn has helped me keep my head above water. Hell, it’s actually got me riding the waves atop a blown up flamingo. Yee-haw.

I stand by deepening our understanding through contrast. Highs are higher when lows are lower but holding onto feelings that have been completely wrung dry only adds weight to our experience. Letting go of old patterns, looping complaints, practiced anxieties has freed me.

My dream life finally feels dreamy. As I stroked Alan’s hair today, I realized, with a bursting ecstatic glimmer, that I was living this exact moment…

A moment I’d fantasized about since the first time I saw Amélie, 19 years old, freshman in college, having smoked weed once, a full-blown virgin and absolutely desperate to fall in love.

Everyone.

I AM AMÉLIE. YOU ARE AMÉLIE. WE ARE ALL AMÉLIE.

This whimsey has enraptured me all throughout the year that was January and continues to delight me with magical connections. Reading someone else put into words exactly what I’ve been pondering. Finding these little trinkets on my last two walks.

Thinking of someone only for them to text me immediately after.

Will it last? Who knows. But I can say that I do now actually feel like I’ve woken up into my dream. Not only aware of the facts, I can feel the fantasy tingling goosebumps down my arms, shooting sparks out my fingers. I’m believing in magic.

Maybe it was The Telepathy Tapes, maybe it’s the Age of Aquarius. I don’t know, I don’t care. I plan to revel in it as long as it lasts and to keep clearing closets as soon as it feels like it’s leaving.

READING

Oh how I love reading Substacks. This week particularly has felt like binging my favorites sweets:

From

Haley Nahman

of Maybe, Baby - The Cringe Matrix

From

The Aspiring Flâneur

- The Game

From

Catherine Shannon

- It is you against yourself

And, linked above but also here, from

keepsake

- something good is coming.

WEARING

Re-embracing my love of a scarf and a broach. A fashion moment I’d all but abandoned until my most recent closet purge.

LISTENING

All of the songs that I’ve hyper fixated on since childhood and will be listing for you in this Wednesday’s Sweet Tea Talk. Think Ace of Base with some Sarah McLachlan, Tori Amos, the Garden State Soundtrack, Bjork and Hozier…plus more.

Thank you for being here and also for watching my first installment of, My Favorite Jeans. It felt like a massive hurdle jumped putting it out into the world and I’ve been pleased to hear that you’ve been liking it.

I leave Tuesday for New Orleans where I will be working an event job I am massively excited about. It’s the beginning of an era of new career movement and I can’t wait to meet some fantastic humans and do some good hard work.

Happy February! Really, it means we are one month closer to Spring and also the cutest of holidays, Valentine’s Day. I’ve been dying to reinstate my annual tradition of sending out Valentine’s so if you want one, direct message me your address and I will finally have good reason to get back to one of my favorite yearly habits.

Sending you my love and gratitude. Thanks for being here!