I did not think I was on the bandwagon to claim a 1000 day January. Then I remembered the month started with food poisoning in a tiny house and a post that elicited several concerned texts and I changed my mind.
Where are we? What’s happening? Has it been a whole year already??
I’m very much of the mindset that a year does not begin until March. As such, my expectations for January were quite low. It’s not that it was a bad month, it was just a roller coaster.
I’ve felt very nostalgic so far this year. Vivid memories popping into my mind, rare for someone who claims to remember nothing. In process of mundane things like showering and waitressing, I’ve been transported to Los Angeles and Williamstown, Massachusetts to Duluth, GA and Italy. It feels a bit like recalling all the moments of your life before you die. And I mean this in the Taylor Swift sense…like…
I'm sorry
But the old Taylor Brittany can't come to the phone right now
Why? Oh, 'cause she's dead (oh)
…in a good way.
January felt like spending way too much time scrolling TikTok’s via Instagram while also achieving more creative goals than ever. It felt the most calm and content while also the most flustered and raw-nerved. I’ve been patiently agitated. The moment before you jump into a pool you know is going to be freezing cold.
Releasing the podcast I recorded with my Dad back in September felt like the biggest, most invigorating weight off ever. I’m really proud of it. Though I learned a lot of technical stuff I’m excited to implement in future episodes, for someone who has to relearn GarageBand every single time I open it, I’m very pleased.
The day I finished and published it, my neck completely locked up. This is an issue I’ve been dealing with since the birth of this Substack when I threw out my back putting on pants. My muscles revolting like a dog refusing to get in the car after a walk, not budging. I’m always looking for the lesson in an experience. Limited mobility felt like an opportunity to let some shit GO.
I redeemed my spa gift certificate (thanks boyfriend) and received the craziest most effective massage ever. Have you heard of skin rolling? Oh my god OUCH. But I can turn my neck again now and I feel light and grateful.
Speaking of lessons, the biggest of January, it’s just not that serious. I feel like I’m considering big spiritual ideas, ancestral wounding, healing, and while that feels really woo woo and like, ‘huh?’ it also feels like, yeah, it’s fine, let’s look at it and move on. I don’t feel the need or desire to meditate forever on things, buy books and classes to validate my feelings, I feel equipped and calm. Excited for the year to finally start a month from now.
In the meantime, as usual, time flies and drags on. Clear awareness of this dichotomy has brought me more into my present. During a meditation this week, I pictured myself at 100 years old and surprise tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t feel regret for all the time I “wasted” fretting, instead I felt love and compassion for my young self only doing her best.
Proceeding with this lack of judgement, with understanding and forgiveness, I feel ready to jump into that freezing cold water. Even if all my muscles lock up and I can’t move, it’ll be okay. It’s just not that serious.
READING
Because finding great Substacks is not always the easiest, here are some of my favorites:
Hunter Harris of Hung Up, is the funniest writer of all time. Please do yourself a favor and subscribe to her Substack, this post about Taylor’s latest manicure was both spot on and side splitting.
This is a new subscription for me, Words from Eliza is spectacular and this post about body image I found particularly resonate.
As I’ve mentioned a thousand times, everyone should be reading and becoming a paid subscriber to The Weekly Work. There is no finer way to stay up to date on goings on in the world. Z is truly the wisest and wittiest cultural critic alive and her TikTok @culturework is only further proof of her genius. Ever heard of 10MILLION LIKES?
WATCHING
We finished Griselda on Netflix in two days. Brutal and great. I loved it.
Now, because Alan has never seen it and because I binged the first two seasons and missed half of what was going on, we are (re)watching Succession. What a great damn ensemble. It’s SO funny.
LISTENING
Lately, all I wanna hear is cinematic piano. As I’ve written this to you, I’ve been listening to this playlist called 19th Century Mix and have never felt like what I’m saying is so important. It’s like I’m writing for my LIFE this piano music is SO DRAMATIC. Feels like I’m living in a constant movie montage.
Do you like my new icon lines? I spent HOURS this week figuring out how to size these while also finding positions to sit in which I didn’t feel like my head was being squeezed off my body by a locked up neck.
I am excited to report that I’ve already booked my next podcast guest so expect a new episode by the end of this month and A Good Thing post this Friday.
As always, I am so grateful to have you here and I hope your February is off to a grand start.
xoxo.