Ghosts of Christmas Past
A roller coaster of a week y'all. *Chapter 17*
Ya know that thing when you’re smiling and then you wave your hand in front of your face and you’re frowning? According to Alan, this has been me all week.1
I usually write my post over the weekend, starting Friday and finalizing Sunday. It’s currently Monday, 12:14pm, I’m drinking a real milk latte (riskyyyyyy) at a coffee shop still baffled over what I’m going to say.
Today is like a river, come float in my stream of consciousness, will you…?
Nostalgia has been the theme of this week.
It began with a visit from my amazing and cuh-razy friend Courtney driving in from Nashville. Having not seen her since 2021, when I was in LA pretending my Delta strain of Covid was just a sinus infection, it felt great to reconnect in the South. We both agreed that we now find LA entirely too bright. A strangling amount of sunshine, I do declare! For a lady born and raised in California, Courtney has thrown herself whole-heartedly into becoming a Southern broad, we love it for her. On Monday night, I gave the karaoke performance of my lifetime (Bjork’s It’s Oh So Quiet is my party trick) and nursed a three day hangover after she left.2
Santa came to visit the restaurant Wednesday on his way to the downtown Decatur tree lighting. Grown adults were screaming “Santa!!” with pure infectious delight as he made his way into the kitchen. There was so much magic in remembering what it feels like to believe. My 100 year old guest (she is literally 100 years old) tugged on my arm and whispered, “Can Santa come over to take a picture with me?” Heart shattered into a million pieces, I went to ask him and he jollily obliged.
I received a very strange message from the past on Thursday that sent me into a subconscious tailspin on Friday. Upon reading it, I initially reveled in the validation. My ex remains crazy and terrible, I chuckled, enjoying the gratification of having fully moved on from that era in my life. Then I found myself on Friday night, sobbing in the liquor closet after smashing some metal chairs into my hip so hard it took my breath away. A classic, ‘wow I really thought I was completely over that’ scenario that reminded me of how my years of therapy still continue to serve me. It was almost like I injured myself on purpose to get the release I needed. Little Brittany, still nursing some wounds, needed tending. I feel much lighter after giving her the attention and the soothing she needed.
Yesterday, I went to see my oldest friend Lauren’s daughter star in Annie. Lauren and I have been friends since we were 7. We’ve been in plays together since elementary school. Watching her little one belt out “Tomorrow” was the ultimate cherry on top of my nostalgic roller coaster of a week. Another reason I feel so lucky to finally be home.
My father, author of the annual Felton Report, our family Christmas letter coveted for over thirty years by friends and family, sent us the first draft to edit. Through big, happy tears, I read and remembered how much has happened this year. So much pride and so much gratitude for my new nephew, growth in my relationship, a commitment to writing. Even if the ghosts of my past try to haunt me from time to time, I can absolutely say that I am solidly in a new beautiful era of my life.3
Thanks for floating along with me.
Here’s the list:
READING
No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. This was recommended to me a month or so ago by one of my mother’s best friends, Elaine. After my subconscious to conscious outburst on Friday over that weird text I received, I started thinking about this book. I’m only 20 pages or so in, but I’m so intrigued by his Internal Family Systems, basically that we all have multiple parts that need and deserve tending. I’ll keep you updated.
WATCHING
The Philadelphia Story. Something about the nostalgia of the week had me craving Katherine Hepburn’s absolutely wild mid-Atlantic accent. I made cookies with this on in the background. Trés cozy.
Romeo+Juliet the 1996 version of course. I got a craving for this the other day and was horrified that it wasn’t streaming. Imagine my delight to find it back on Apple+. As a treat, I read some of the Google reviews and was absolutely over the moon for this one that warns of spoilers for a story that is over 400 years old. Bless the internet.
Better Call Saul. Still watching this one. Honestly, the character development in this show SENDS ME. I really love it. Even though I find myself worrying about Kim Wexler and Mike a lot in my day to day.
LISTENING
Ummmm, that Spotify DJ thing…? I scroll through it at lightning speed but it makes me feel like it’s hyper curated. It’s not. I’m bored with every song that comes on but whatever.
I’m so incredibly excited to start a new year with you, dear readers. I truly cannot tell you what it means to me that you take the time to spend a few minutes with me every Monday.
Have a cozy, relaxing week as the year winds down. Treat yourself as often as you can.
See you next week.
xoxo.
I’m claiming this as if it only applies to this week…lol…basically, my entire life is an emotional roller coaster.
My neck is STILL SORE a week later from the physicality of this performance. I really gave it my all.
It’s okay, Little Brittany.
Perfect for my Monday!!! Thank You, Boo!