Fart Friends

I'd probably never actually fart in front of them but I could and it would be fine. *Chapter 28*

This is a gratitude post.

Dreams, by Bonnie Lynn Felton, lynnfelton.com (my best friend Megan and me)

In the friendship department I am extremely lucky. I have A LOT of best friends. Not the fake kind of best, not the juvenile version, “oh my godddd I love you so much” kind. I’m talking the wrap you in a blanket and rock you kind, the sit in silence and let you cry or the laugh so hard you pee kind. These are Fart Friends. To say I love them is not nearly enough. They are my soul family, connections richer than blood.

I’ve fallen in love with most of my friends at first sight. I see them and I know. It’s some kind of ancient magic. When a kindred spirit (as Anne would say) enters my sphere, I just know it because somehow I just know them. A few months ago I wrote about The Friend Edit, the points in your life when you realize you’ve evolved and that your values have changed, you decide to move on from relationships that no longer align with your truths. Fart Friends rarely need to be edited because they’ve probably already stuck around for lifetimes. Too woo?

As an adult, I have never struggled to find my people. I got that out of the way early on. The transitions from elementary to middle and then from middle to high school were my loneliest times. I had two girl friends who carried me from seventh to eleventh grade when I finally began to expand a bit. When I think of the time we spent together, there’s so much innocent sweetness. Sleepover parties on school nights, die-hard obsessions with Buffy and The Backstreet Boys, no desire to rebel. We kept each other safe and we had so much fun. I haven’t talked to them since my late teens.

When I think like an archeologist, look back at my past and trace to my very first Fart Friends, they arrived my junior year of high school when I started acting in plays. To this day we remain the kind of friends who catch up once to twice a year. A classic “feels like no time has passed” relationship (Hi, Kerr <3). Lucky for me, I now get to see my friend Lauren who I’ve known since I was 6 all the time since we both live in Georgia now. At 16, they validated exactly who I hoped I was becoming, funny, talented, smart. We helped and watched each other grow up and have continued to evolve and appreciate our connection. In retrospect, they made me feel excited to be myself at an age when a sense of self was vague and uninvented.

My brother and sister-in-law moved to Georgia this January. They’re both incredibly active, friendly and social people. Watching them navigate their first year in a new city has me reflecting on all the times I’ve experienced that unique window of time. Never any idea where you are, hanging out with people you’ll never hang out with again, you’re ecstatic and horrified and scared and worried and bold and so excited all at once all the time. You’re also on a mission to find your Fart Friends. Or hopefully, to add to the steaming pile you already have.

My first years in New York City and Los Angeles were cushioned by the Fart Friends I’d collected in college and at the Williamstown Theatre Festival right after I graduated. My freshman year at the University of Georgia was full of homesickness and confusion but also infused with the discovery of people I really, REALLY loved. College is where my soul found new family, bonds that will never be broken. We moved to New York City together and then to Los Angeles.

Here’s the thing, yesterday I recorded a podcast with guest number 2, my Fart Friend, Jamie. I’ve been thinking all week about friendships. About how blessed I am to have so many best ones. Some believe you should only have one. I just don’t buy that. Interviewing Jamie was easy and obviously fun, I was so excited about it that I neglected to allow myself the time to write something as well thought out as I’d wanted to today.

So…

I’ll go ahead and sum this up with a big warm thank you. To my friends whose safety and compassion make me feel comfortable enough to do and say anything around you, I love you. I’d never fart on purpose in front of you because I AM A LADY, but I love that I could and be fine.

Mercifully…

READING

I went straight from Unreasonable Hospitality into Danny Meyers, Setting the Table. I’ve only just started but these books give me new appreciation for the lovely gift of offering someone hospitality in and outside of restaurants.

WATCHING

Oh my god we saw Amélie in a theater and it was just as magical and wonderful as it’s always been.

LISTENING

I’ve been listening to a lot of classical piano basically every moment I’m alone. Am I Jane Austen? My playlist thinks so.

Posting weekly for the past 6 months has been amazing. There are weeks where words flow so effortlessly out of my fingers there’s seemingly no thought involved. The post is just there. And then there are weeks like this one, where my mind is elsewhere (in this case, Yeah, I’d Hang Out With Her: The Podcast) and it feels like I’ve been tied to a chair and forced to write something. I learn more about my “process” each week, usually, that I need to gift myself more time to work. I’m gonna do that from now on. We all deserve the best.

Thanks for reading and for sticking around. Podcast is coming soon. Have a wonderful last week of February!

xoxo.