It’s the middle of laundry day. I’m sitting here catching up on my Substack subscriptions and noticing the fabric on this couch is starting to pill. I’d planned to write a post today but wasn’t really sure what it was going to be about and then I read this post by Ask Polly. I implore, let me repeat, I IMPLORE you to go and read this. It is lovely and true and beautiful, I feel like she more perfectly puts into words what I was speaking to with my post last week. Presence in your life. Sinking into the simple. Telling your whiny inner child to be quiet for a minute while you go outside and repaint a dresser you, like a brat, forced your boyfriend to carry up the stairs from the street for you a few nights ago.
I want you to live inside the process of doing simple things for a while. Live in the present and just be a person without analyzing it.
Here's why: No matter what happens next, you need to find ways to dance with your anxiety until it dissipates. You need to allow your neediness into the room and love that needy person with all of your heart. You also need to tell her “I’m just going to wash the windows for a few hours and then we can talk, okay?” You need methods of backing away from the puzzles of love and the future.
-Ask Polly “My Long Distance Boyfriend is Growing More Distant”
Ugh. God. So good. Thank you, Polly. She’s giving advice to a girl who’s compensating for her anxiety about the possible end of a relationship by death gripping onto it. Lemme just say one more time, please go read it.
I’ve been getting agitated on and off this week as my schedule has been in transition. I get verrrrry squirrelly about change especially when I’ve had a routine for awhile. If things aren’t going the way they’re “supposed” to, I freak out. Thankfully, I don’t struggle with anxiety often but when I do, it is usually a result of my expectations not being met. Those expectations have either been born of doing the same thing over and over or have been put in place by my brain without really considering the set up for disappointment they ensure. Whichever the case, expecting anything, especially when that expectation involves another person (especially if you haven’t explicitly informed that person of the expectation), usually results, for me at least, in disappointment and sadness and frustration and I end up dealing with those feelings by playing the victim or becoming withdrawn and it’s not cute. Not to mention, setting expectations takes you fully out of the moment. I love her advice to “live inside the process of doing simple things.” When my grandmother, my mother’s mother, passed away and my mom was left with that heavy grief to navigate, she told me it was simple tasks like washing dishes and doing laundry that got her through the darkest moments. I think it’s about moving your body through the anxious moments that gets you through the woods to the other side. Get off the couch and stop dwelling it gets you nowhere.
Speaking of tasks to move your body and quiet your mind, I wanted to share with you a recipe that I adore and that I make all the time. I love the King Arthur website for recipes. Their comments section is always helpful and entertaining and answers questions like, “what if i’m out of olive oil, can I use butter instead.” I actually had that exact quandary the first time I made this bread and have since decided it is, in fact, better with the butter than the oil, but, then again, what isn’t?
English muffins have always been one of my favorite forms of bread, make it a homemade english muffin, shit, I’m in heaven. But english muffins are truly a pain in the ass to make, they take forever and are a millions steps. Worth the fuss? Yes, definitely. But who has the time on a regular basis?
Enter, English Muffin Bread. This bread is meant for toasting so don’t expect to make a sandwich out of it but it is a perfect breakfast bread, light and crumbly, a little sweet and truly a delight. I can’t recommend it enough, it is so easy.
Here is the recipe, directly copied and pasted from King Arthur.
INGREDIENTS
3 cups (360g) King Arthur Unbleached All-Purpose Flour
1 tablespoon (14g) granulated sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons (9g) salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon instant yeast
1 cup (227g) milk
1/4 cup (57g) water
2 tablespoons (25g) vegetable oil or olive oil
yellow cornmeal, to sprinkle in pan
INSTRUCTIONS
Weigh your flour; or measure it by gently spooning it into a cup, then sweeping off any excess. Whisk together the flour, sugar, salt, baking soda, and instant yeast in a large mixing bowl, or the bowl of a stand mixer.
Combine the milk, water and oil in a separate, microwave-safe bowl (or in a saucepan on the stovetop), and heat to between 120°F and 130°F. Be sure to stir the liquid well before measuring its temperature; you want an accurate reading. If you don't have a thermometer, the liquid will feel uncomfortably hot if you quickly dip your finger into it. Be sure it doesn't reach 140°F, as temperatures in that range can harm the yeast.
Pour the hot liquid over the dry ingredients in the mixing bowl and mix until thoroughly combined.
Using an electric beater, or stand mixer with the flat beater attachment, beat at high speed for 1 minute; the dough will be smooth and very soft. If you don't have an electric mixer, beat by hand for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the dough is smooth and starting to become elastic.
Lightly grease an 8 1/2" x 4 1/2" loaf pan, and sprinkle the bottom and sides with cornmeal.
Scoop the soft dough into the pan, leveling it in the pan as much as possible.
Cover the pan, and let the dough rise till it's just barely crowned over the rim of the pan. When you look at the rim of the pan from eye level, you should see the dough, but it shouldn't be more than, say, 1/4" over the rim. This will take about 45 minutes to 1 hour, if you heated the liquid to the correct temperature and your kitchen isn't very cold. While the dough is rising, preheat the oven to 400°F.
Remove the cover, and bake the bread for 22 to 27 minutes, till it's golden brown and its interior temperature is 190°F.
Remove the bread from the oven, and after 5 minutes turn it out of the pan onto a rack to cool. Let the bread cool completely before slicing.
Yum.
I hope that this post has found you well and in the middle of a good week. I hope you enjoy the Ask Polly post and that you try this recipe if you’re so inclined. Mostly, I hope that you’re having a good time hanging out with me here, I’m having a blast.
Before I go, one more announcement, my very first podcast guest is going to be the one and only Jethro Jerome Felton III, also known as my dad. He is hilarious and smart, a writer, fly fisherman, music obsessed, concert poster collecting bad ass and I can’t wait for you all to get to know him better. As soon as I figure out how to record interviews remotely and/or get a second microphone for in-person chats, that podcast will land in your inbox.
Have a wonderful day. Talk to you soon. Please share my Substack if you know how!! Bye bye.