P.S.A.

To the woman who looks like a cross between Kathy Nagimy in Hocus Pocus and Hatchetface from Cry-Baby (that Johnny Depp movie that used to play on VH1):

Hi. Hello. I am your waitress and I am taking your order and bringing you your drinks and your food. No, I did not claim at 5 years of age that this is what I wanted to be when I grew up and believe me..…