Monday Again?!

I'm like...scared at how fast time is flying. *Chapter 63*

Um. Hi, everyone. Hi.

I am stunned. Baffled. Bowled over. What do the kids say? Screaming, crying, throwing up? (I literally googled that…) Tis a new week, a new Monday and I’ve gotta tell you, I cannot comprehend how. Here’s what I’ve learned: a busy schedule is great BUT if that schedule doesn’t account for your own work, you’ll end up with no post for your beloved Substack because you simply will not have the time to craft it.

Last week I overbooked myself by a lot. Between my new job, an event gig, recording a podcast, babysitting for a friend and preparing for another DeeJay’s (which is happening TODAY, the day this publishes) I left myself zero hours to write. This is a funny feeling. Have I procrastinated myself into rushing a post, writing something last minute that I’m not deeply connected to? Absolutely. But this is different. I didn’t even save room for procrastination this week. Ah, a lesson in boundaries and protecting my time and my work. Honestly, it feels really good to want to make space for myself in this way. To finally honor my work (MY WORK!!) and understand it deserves the consideration of my schedule. This is growth.

I’ve decided to employ a trick I’ve used only once before, digging into my archive and re-posting a personal favorite essay. This one from back in April. It was written, like today’s post, the day before a DeeJay’s and I was bursting with joy and gratitude and the peaceful realization that everything had fallen into place. It was Spring. Alan had brought me daisies and I was simply, happy. Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy this blast from the past. Thank you, as always, for reading.

Also, don’t you LOVE this painting by Bonnie. One of my favorites too.

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Here All Along

Who knew. *Chapter 36*

Farm Visit, by Bonnie Lynn Felton, lynnfelton.com

It’s Saturday. I’m sitting at Little Bear, the restaurant where Alan, Betsy and I will host our second pop-up dinner in two days. DeeJay’s is named for my grandmother, Dorothy Jean, a 26-year Legislator for the Georgia House of Representatives and lifetime lover of the state.

At the farmer’s market this morning, Susan of Hickory Hill Farms, told me she’d run into my brother while dropping off produce for the restaurant where he is now Chef de Cuisine, Miller Union. How has this happened? My life revolving around family and restaurants and community. I meditated about this a lot during lockdown, fantasized about what it would be like when I had friends in Atlanta and a fully booked schedule. Absolutely wild to be sitting next to the daisies my boyfriend bought me this morning. I’ve brought them inside so they don’t wilt in the car while he preps the pork for Monday.

Today I will begin making 4 of the 8 batches of chocolate pudding we will serve for dessert. Eight pounds of strawberries, half of those topping for the pudding, we will have to figure out how to squeeze into our fridge. It’s warm and breezy outside. The daisies smell a little of…ass? Little Bear is exactly the size and vibe I’d want should we ever open a restaurant of our own. Sitting here now, I’m fully immersed in a daydream.

My work week runs Wednesday-Sunday so I always find myself alarmed at the amount of people out on a Saturday. I’d love to pop across the street for a coffee and croissant but the line spilling out onto the sidewalk is offensive. Have I mentioned this is wild? That I feel like I’ve woken up into a dream version of my life I couldn’t have imagined until I just kind of found myself living it.

Yesterday I made an apron. Well. It was an apron to begin with but a cut that didn’t fit me right and so I used the beautiful fabric to make something new. I’d wanted one of blush colored linen, googled it and looked on Etsy but couldn’t find one that was just right. And then, there it was, hanging in my kitchen, the exact fabric I was seeking. I disassembled the stitches and pieced it back together. Definitely poked myself with a few pins and drew a little blood. The final product is messy and imperfect but it’s exactly what I’ve been looking for.

I’ve found that when I want something, really, desperately want it, it’s never there. Frustration and pain, tantrums like I imagine I had at 4 years old follow. How will I get it? Why can’t I have it now?? It’s never until I’ve forgotten about it, moved onto something else, that I realize, oh my god, it’s here.

I’m home now sitting on the couch, subtle whiffs from these ass-scented daisies keep wafting over. I’m drinking a pamplemousse La Croix and just finished inhaling a ham sandwich I made on the heart-shaped biscuits I baked yesterday. Lately, I’ve been allowing myself to relish what my life has become. To deeply appreciate everything I have and all I’m excited for. Who knew all I had to do was follow a longing for home to find that what I’ve always wanted has been here all along? A disassembled life put back together as something just right.

LISTENING

Dear Felicity. If you were/are a fan of the show, you will absolutely love this podcast. It’s a rewatch and discuss, peppered with interviews from the cast and creators and, as someone who thought I would die for Ben, it’s incredible.

WATCHING

I have watched about one episode of every cozy show imaginable this week including: Felicity (duh like 5 episodes), 20 minutes of Lost, 2 episodes of Gilmore Girls (which I hate to say, I just do not get…but then…I’m not a Mrs. Maisel fan either so I guess it makes sense) and one episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I fell asleep during all of them.

USING

Riverside a new (to me) platform I, for some reason, was holding out on for recording podcasts. It’s amazing and, if you have a podcast with guests, I cannot recommend it enough. Especially over Zoom and especially if you have crappy internet like me. It still worked great.

DeeJay’s first birthday party is happening today (well the day this posts)! Pretty wild. We’re throwing a very laid back party to celebrate.

I will say, even though my perfectionist side is sounding all the alarms, I feel very calm about trial and erroring this new phase of life. This week, I really did learn which boundaries to set when it comes to picking up extra work and that considering my writing as another part of my job/career has to take precedence going forward. It feels very grown up to say that.

Once more, thank you for being here and for reading. I truly do love writing and updating you every week and I hope you continue to enjoy your time here too.

Podcast coming this Friday with my lovely and AMAZING friend Liz Layton, an incredibly accomplished TV producer, friend to everyone, hilarious, endlessly interesting woman, who became a mother at 50. We talk a lot about that journey, motherhood, womanhood and the power of moving home. I LOVE THIS EPISODE!!

Take care of yourselves this week and always. I will talk to you again soon.