I'm Like a Worm?

A half-conscious evaluation of what it feels like to be humbled. *Chapter 126*

In the Cotswolds last week

After it rains, worms wriggle out onto the sidewalk. They’d dry up and die in the sun if it weren’t for me. Wrangling their weird slimy bodies off the hot pavement and into my hand to toss them back into soil or grass is a habit I learned from my mother and one I take great pride in as one of “my things”.

You know, the “things” that make you, in your own humble and secret opinion of yourself, better than others?

I count flossing my teeth every night and not being affected by jet lag as superior “things about me.” Although… closing my eyes last night felt something akin to drinking a cold glass of water at 3 am after a night of drinking. Quenching sleep.

But no, jet lag doesn’t exist. Pish posh. Move along. Mind the gap. Am I a worm?

Unpacking has become one of my favorite pastimes. Washing everything I wore. Putting it all back into MY drawers in MY room. Laying in MY bed in clean sheets. To me, the greatest luxury of travel is returning home. How grateful I am to declare that my truth?

Worms come to the surface when it rains because they can more easily move from one place to another over wet ground than deep down underneath it. Risking death by robin or petrification by sun in pursuit of new mates and territory.

I used to be more of a wet pavement worm.

Buying international flights on a whim, working doubles to fund trips. Carelessly charging meals on credit cards I’m still paying off to this day. But that was one of my “things”. A starving artist prioritizing travel. Solidifying my identity as a well-rounded human - cultured, appreciative and aware of the big wide world.

My 2004 Study Abroad Scrapbook

These days I care less and have nothing to prove. I’ve answered most of the questions I went searching the world for. Found I belong exactly where I hatched.

It’s like the hand of the Universe scooped me up off the pavement and tossed me back into the soil I grew up in. My wormy little body likes it here safe underground.

I guess circling back is one my “things.” If you read my post from last week, you’ll know I was in England twenty-two years ago experiencing a comically parallel bout of homesickness and desire to sit in front of a computer and update my Live Journal.

I recall a feeling of embarrassment for being so cowardly. Just wanting to go home. Now I don’t care. Being humbled without residue of guilt or shame is a new experience and I like it.

@yeah_id_hang_out_with_her

Brittany Felton on Instagram: "Found what I was looking for, it…

Acceptance.

My wanderlust has dwindled. I feel more curious about my 20 mile radius and the people, animals and land close by than I do about destinations at least a ten hour plane ride from me.

It’s an honest relief leaning into what feels natural instead of challenging myself out of it. And yet, there’s no way I’d feel so confidently rooted had I not branched out.

For now, at least, I’m happy not to be a worm.

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*Bringing back this weekly section of the newsletter because it’s fun and I miss it.

WATCHING

The Traitors UK- For those who haven’t heard me rant about my distaste for American reality television, I’ll save you the time and just say, it’s mean and weird and I hate it. UK reality tv however, I’m having a great time. But imagine my horror when, three episodes from the end of Season 3, Peacock mysteriously removed it from their roster! My parents and I have been left hanging. Apparently, this has been solved and the season has been added back. If you can, I highly recommend all three UK seasons.

LISTENING

Shift into Alignment- I’m honored to have returned as a guest on this podcast chatting about my experience choosing the “easier” choice over forcing myself to choose the hard one. Love this conversation with Annie and Marissa!

DOUSING…

My hair in this oil weekly.

I swear this has changed my mane. I swear. I massage it into my scalp, lather the bottom half of my strands in a hair mask, wrap my head in plastic, put a towel over all of it and let it cook for hours. Amazing results after practicing this ritual for over a year now.

What are you reading? I’m very curious.

Put gently, it’s a wild and scary world out there.

Take care of yourselves and the folks you love.

Sending you my most genuine love and light.